Neo Geo Battle Coliseum (X-Box 360)
Riv , 2010/07/14 23:12

Publisher:	SNK Playmore
Genre:	Fighting
Players:	1 Player
Rating	Teen
The Good:	Updated port of Neo Geo Battle Coliseum featuring a wide array of SNK fan favorites.
The Bad:	There is literally nothing new here to set it apart from any SNK game that has been put out in the past 15 years. Only this time, it's irritating.
The Ugly:	The difficulty of the final bosses and the expression on your face as they rip you to shreds on even the easiest difficulty settings. It's like being raped with a spiked mace.

I can't really recommend Neo Geo Battle Coliseum to anyone that values their money or a good fighting game. As an SNK fan I am thoroughly disappointed in this title...

No this is not King of Fighters 1996. Even though it looks exactly fucking like it.

I need to explain that unlike many people out there, I am a die-hard when it comes to SNK fighting franchises. Fatal Fury, Art of Fighting, Samurai Shodown, and King of Fighters all rank among some of my personal favorites. My sister and I were among some of the only people in the universe to own an SNK Neo Geo system, and I always admired the fact that SNK was able to put out quality titles that did in fact give Capcom a run for their money in addition to pretty enjoyable and amusing character designs as well.

That was 15 years ago.

Here we are and SNK got bought out by Playmore after bankruptcy, and oftentimes I feel like Playmore are cunts for virtually NEVER giving us anything new from SNK; in fact the game engines haven't really improved or changed since the 1990s, and it ends up being highly irritating. Still, I've often tried to blindly defend SNK-Playmore by saying things like "Hey, Mega Man never changes and is still excellent."

A cast of dozens of characters who haven't received an updated character model since before I hit puberty.

The problem is that at least the levels change with Mega Man but SNK-Playmore is beating a dead horse. SNK's Neo Geo Battle Colisseum isn't just a dead horse, it's the carcass of one with the head removed and the limbs picked clean by vultures while some random drunk came over and peed all over it. Welcome to a half-ass version of King of Fighters with a two-man tag battle system that isn't innovative; it's ancient and been done before by plenty of other fighting games.

I could run down the card of characters from other SNK games, but really, what's the fucking point? King of Fighters pretty much put almost everyone noteworthy from Art of Fighting and Fatal Fury into one game a long time ago. Where NGBC differs is that characters from Last Blade, World Heroes, Aggressors of Dark Combat, King of Monsters, Savage Reign, and Metal Slug make appearances as well as a few original characters. When they said "Neo Geo," they did in fact mean it and add the other universes into the game. At the end you will run into bosses who will give you a run for your money just like every other standard SNK game - whether it's a "clone" of Orochi or Neo Dio, King Lion, or a new character named Goodman, you have these insanely difficult bosses that will make you have to continue for hours and hours just to get a hit or two on them. This is standard SNK fare to make bosses that are ridiculously fast, and ridiculously overpowered but I guess the difference between the arcade versions of this title and the XBox Live Arcade port is you can play as said overpowered characters and become bored with the game in 20 minutes.

You'd be better off actually buying one of the Metal Slug games instead.

Actually, you'll probably be bored with the game in 20 minutes just like I became.

The XBox Live Arcade version also features enhanced graphics, widescreen support, and a clearer sound. This would all mean something to me if "enhanced graphics" meant "better character models" but it just means "super nice backgrounds." Also the music in this game fucking sucks and blows at the same time, being random generic tracks, so you won't get the Happy Terry Bogard Fatal Fury theme or Kyo and Iori's respective theme songs from the King of Fighters games, which is a huge pity; I always felt SNK had some very memorable tracks, especially on the arranged CD versions of their titles. The music just doesn't get you into this title and it's needed considering that everything else in this game is completely half-ass.

I don't even know who these guys are.

Sure the game probably has some redeemable value as a 2-player fighting game, but for 1200 Microsoft points if you have an SNK itch to scratch you can waste those on any number of other SNK games available in the arcade such as Fatal Fury: Mark of the Wolves, King of Fighters, or even Samurai Shodown II, and get your fix on a much better title before SNK jumped the shark. Other than for a few of those trademark "You silly funster" style mistranslations from Japanese to English I can't really recommend Neo Geo Battle Coliseum to anyone that values their money or a good fighting game. As an SNK fan I am thoroughly disappointed in this title, and I'm someone who plays every King of Fighters game every year without complaint to it almost being the same shit. This time they've gone too far. Playmore: come up with some new shit or sell SNK to someone who can.

Even Mai Shiranui can't save this game.

-- Riv - jasonrivera@jasonrivera.com