Strange Search Engine Referrals!
PanzerMega , 2004/12/25 02:16

Original Postdate: 1-8-2002

Thanks to the magic of internet traffic counters, we here at jasonrivera.com have access to top secret information about our visitors. This includes such things as their service provider, the time that they visited, and in select cases, their breasts size. Hey Jenny….please email me….the address is at the bottom of the page.

Thanks, Jenny. We needed that.

As well, we also have access to the keywords that many of you have used to find our site through search engines like Yahoo! and Google. Nowadays, roughly half of our traffic comes from people stumbling across jasonrivera.com while looking for something specific, that we just happen to contain. This may be either on purpose or accidental. Earlier this week I was kind of curious about why people visit this site, what it was they were really looking for, and if we may have been helpful to them.

The following are what I consider “Good Referrals”. A good referral is when someone finds our website because they are looking for info on transformers, wrestlers, comic books, movies, etc. These are people who have been using search engines to find things that we can actually deliver.

For example, a couple of jasonrivera.com visitors this week have found the site while looking for info on Sleaze Metal Bands. This is cool, because I love my heavy metal, and did a review of Motley Crue’s book a few months ago. I would like to think that this random surfer found what he or she was looking for, enjoyed jasonrivera.com, and maybe will return.

Ditto with whoever searched for Reasons Why Creed Sucks. That is exactly what I consider a Good Referral.

Also, a number of visitors have apparently discovered us while looking for info on Superheroines. I fully support this, because I love hot chicks in spandex, and would like to bang Mighty Molly and Wonder Woman. As well, I’m proud to have been able to assist one visitor who was searching for info on Midget Slaves. I share your enthusiasm, man. I really do.

By far, the most traffic seems to be coming in from one distinct topic right now. That’s right, the most perfect woman in the world, Shakira! I’m thrilled to have been able to help those looking for info on Shakira Videos, Shakira Dancing, Shakira’s Butt, and Shakira Mud. I just wish I were able to assist everyone with his or her need for Shakira Exposed. Believe me, if there were naked pictures of Shakira, I’d be sure to have them.

On a similar topic, Riv’s love of Lita Showing Her Thong has attracted numerous viewers, and we are glad to help you guys achieve that goal of seeing Lita showing her thong. If only Jason could have provided pictures of Angelina Jolie Kissing Other Women, then we would feel truly privileged to deliver both hot thong, AND hot lesbian action.

For the record, I have no problem with any of you who have stumbled across jasonrivera.com while looking for porn. You have my full support. But there’s also an extremely prolific group of people who have found this site looking for things that Jason and I did not intend. These are what I consider Bad Referrals.

For instance, a surprising amount of you have found this website while looking for pictures of Jeff Hardy Naked. Fortunately, we here at jasonrivera.com can’t help you there. Even more sickening, are the five of you this week that showed up here looking for Jeff Hardy’s Poetry. There’s just no excuse for that.

You have to stand back and wonder about the content of the articles at jasonrivera.com, where we show up in search engines under Small Penis Problem Forum. And to the poor guy who actually searched for this, I hope that jasonrivera.com amused you for a while, and made you forget your problems, if only for a bit. I wonder if Dinky Joe is reading this right now?

Who I sincerely hope is NOT reading this right now are all of you who have found jasonrivera.com while looking for Nothing But Naked Thirteen Year Olds. Get lost, sickos. I don’t know what’s worse, that people are actually looking for child porn online, that we’re a popular Internet truckstop for that, or that someone was actually trying to find pictures of Billy Bob Thornton’s Penis. Fucking weirdos. If any of you reading this actually found our site by looking for any of those things, I think maybe you should leave.

Go on.

As strange as someone wanting to see Billy Bob naked, it’s not nearly as wacked as that one mental case that was searching for Rachel Leigh Cook’s Penis. Sadly we could not deliver that disturbing fantasy for you. That’s right, Dave from Edmonton. And there’s no better source on the web for Forced Ass Licking, than jasonrivera.com.

I’m also sad that despite our prolific search engine presence, we’re not nearly the location for people in Dire Need of Jesus, or info on Bin Laden Looking Like Jesus, that Google.com gives us credit for.

We’re also not the hotbed of gay activity that we get credit for either. I feel sorry for Jason Rivera, in that he’s a straight guy who gets a hell of a lot of people typing his name into an internet address bar while looking for Jeff Hardy Hairy Dick, Jason Newstead Metallica Gay, Liberache, and Small Dicked Asian Guys.

It seems now that you step back and look at our article content, that what started as a simple sub-culture site looking at things such as old cartoons from the 80s, fat WWF Superstars, bad movie reviews, gay Pokemon, and underground metal bands, has taken a pretty fucked up turn somewhere along the line.

Even though we are misrepresented by the search engine system, I guess you have to admire our versatility. Not to mention our surprisingly large gay following. Hell, I bet it’s a real surprise that when someone searches for Transformers Fucked, that they have an option. Even if we don’t deliver, we at least give them a glimmer of hope for a split second. Maybe this year we’ll get to that often delayed article about the Reflector ménage a trois.

They wouldn’t even have to buy a camera.

Anyways, regardless of why people come to jasonrivera.com, we appreciate the visitors (except the half dozen of you this week who were searching for Jeff Hardy Gay Sex). If I get some positive feedback on this, maybe I’ll do it again.

And just to help the cause for next time…

“ass chick hot thong bitch xxx action optimus prime shakira naked shakira swimming shakira hot shakira wants Steve Jeffery viscera nudes breasts gay pokemon Josie And The Pussycats sex X-Box homosexual zombies that look like Lionel Richie ass-worshipping rim jobbers What? I said ass worshipping rim jobbers What? I said ass-worshipping rim jobbers Dr. Doom Mariah Carey sex change Lord Of The Rings Hobbit Porn”

Some of you are fucked up.

-- PanzerMega -