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An interview (and more) with Scary Mary
, 2005/06/23 08:50
We've had the pleasure of interviewing many an idiot here on JasonRivera.com with some of the finest specimens coming from MySpace.com - A place for retards friends. Thanks to myspace we've brought you fascinating and interesting interviews from such fine upstanding members of society as Gay Jacob and Fat Pat. I honestly thought there was no way to top the stupidity shown by these 2 but i was proven wrong when i was fortunate enough to come across some fruit from California called Mary.
A 37 year old, skinny, midget, American, wrestling fan, retard, Taco Bell burger flipper. MY DREAM GAL!!
[20:59] Jason Rivera: Haha dude
[20:59] Jason Rivera: i just realised something
[20:59] Jason Rivera: that nasty bitch
[20:59] Jason Rivera: has no air conditioning
[20:59] Jason Rivera: HAHAH the fan in the window
[20:59] Jason Rivera:that's so ghetto
[20:59] Jason Rivera: and her walls are all murky like a prison
I decided to send Mary a friend request and have a little fun with her, it's not often you come across such sexy pieces of ass and thankfully she quickly accepted my request and replied. I'm guessing by her reply that she doesn't get much attention from guys and got a little over excited.
OMG!! AN intrenet lover.
I wish most girls were so easy that all you had to do was send them an add request to get into their pants but i guess when you take one look at the photos on Mary's profile you can see why she doesn't get many offers. I always thought i'd never find anyone as pathetic as 'Fat Pat' Guillermo (who for the record lives at 202 Vineyard Drive. San Jose, California 95119) but Mary is already getting close to the levels of stupdity shown by 'hotmamatrish', in fact the kinky side of me would love to see those 2 beasts duke it out in the ring.
BUGHAWD! It's a HOSS.
This is seemingly too ridiculous to be true, i didn't think it could get any better until i find this message in my inbox.
Yes i will be him please.
I'm not going to post full logs as it's too much shite for even me to read so i'll share the relevant parts.
daisyblumoon: will you be my boyfriend?
omgmikeespen: omg u are so hot. i would love to be your boyfriend
omgmikeespen: but before that i need to ask you some questions to make sure we are right for each other. The questions may be a little weird but just play along please, it's really important to me
daisyblumoon: ok baby
Describe yourself in 5 words.
shy, nice, sweet, loveing, freindly.
(I don't think i'll bother asking if she went to school.)
So who is your favourite musician?
Shania Twain because peple say i look a lot like her.
(Hahahaha, i can see the resemblance.)
That don't impress me much.
Who did you vote for in the last election?
President Bush.
(I might have known.)
You work at Taco Bell, do you and your colleagues ever go out in the middle of the night and vandalise Burger King and McDonalds stores?
No that is ilegal.
You mean illegal?
No its not legal
So it's illegal?
Yep.
Thanks for clearing that up.
So you live near the beach, right? Do you ever go skinny dipping?
No im no slut, but i wear a bikini on the beach.
(Note: Mary sends me a photo of herself in a bikini)
Holy crap, you can almost SMELL the rancid vagina in that photo.
When was the last time you had sex?
2003 with my ex boyfriend Barry from Indiana
That's the fella in the red on that photo with the black country singer?
Yep.
They look made for each other, poor bastard.
Why did Slater and Kelly never get it together?
I dont know what your talking about
(You're, it's YOU'RE.)
If i asked you to let me practice anal sex on you would you allow me to?
Yes if you say you love me before asking
Do you drink alcohol?
I dont drink alcohol. i have no reason to.
(I beg to differ.)
So do you have any pets at all? You look like a cat person? (by cat person i mean those old women who smell of catpiss, hi mum!)
My sister has 5 dogs. i did have a dog when i lived in Indiana but i lost it.
You LOST it? WHAT THE HELL?
Someone stole it out my yard.
(I'm sure that she means it escaped to get away from her stinking vagina, i can still smell it through my monitor)
What was the dog's name?
I forgot.
YOU FORGOT THE NAME OF YOUR OWN DOG, WHAT WAS IT??
...uh......i don't know
What a wonderful name for a pet. You can imagine the scene when she went to report him missing at the dog pound.
Mary: I've lost mah dog.
Warden: Ok madam, what's it's name?
Mary: .....uh.....i don't know.
Warden: Thanks, we'll have posters put up around the neighbourhood.
WOOOOF!!
If Jimmy crack corn then why don't i care?
What?
Correct
Ok baby, forget about Jimmy and his corn for a second. To get an idea of your taste in members of the opposite sex please rate the following JasonRivera.com Forums members 5/10 if you think they're nasty or 10/10 if you want to fuck them.
Huge Internet Sensei, Jason Rene Rivera
5/10, he looks like a poser
(I wonder where she got that idea from.)
JasonRivera.com Forums resident fat queer EdWood
5/10, i dont like baldies.
(For a ghastly looking monster she sure does have high standards.)
JasonRivera.com Forums hippy Scottish monghole killdadoprso.
10/10, i like long hair.
JasonRivera.com Forums resident Dr. Phil lookalike Heidi.
5/10, i dont like girls.
(Don't like girls? There goes my hopes of a threeway with Mary and Pat.)
Please tell me the first word that comes to your head when i say the following words.
John Cena - hotty
Christopher Reeve - brave
Milkshake - brings boys to yard
Shakira - dance
Noel Edmonds - who?
WHOOOOO???
BLASPHEMY
Poor Noel has to eat puppies nowadays just to get attention.
YOU HEARTLESS BITCH!!!
omgmikeespen:I've got good news for you baby, you passed and we can be intrenet lovers.
daisyblumoon: i love you baby.
I thought i'd had my fun and could no leave her to wonder whatever happened to me but over the next few days Mary turned into a fully fledged online stalker with masses of MySpace messages and filling my Yahoo offline message inbox full of crap looking for me.
Yea i get the fucking point.
Lovely, wow i care.
You're. FOR THE FINAL TIME IT'S YOU'RE.
Hiding.
STILL Hiding.
Yep, i'm flitring with other women, leave me alone.
I was all ready to carry on ignoring her until this popped into my inbox.
A perfect opportunity to ruin her life, i'd be foolish not to take advantage.
omgmikeespen: hey baby, sorry about that, i was away for a few days
daisyblumoon: i have something to tell you
daisyblumoon: i think i'm in love with you
Let me read that again.
daisyblumoon: i think i'm in love with you
HAHAHHAHAHA.
omgmikeespen: I love you too but you must send me nude photos to prove your love.
daisyblumoon: I only have 2 on my computer but i will email them now.
daisyblumoon: you got them?
omgmikeespen: yeah i got them, let me look.
PLEASE LOOK AWAY NOW IF YOU ARE OF A NERVOUS DISPOSITION OR SUFFER FROM HEART PROBLEMS.
JasonRivera: What the fuck is that? That's no vagina, it looks diseased..
Good lord, i feel queasy.
omgmikeespen:Holy crap that makes me horny.
daisyblumoon: I love you.
I knew those photos reminded me of someone.
daisyblumoon: I have a suprise for you.
daisyblumoon: go on MSN and view my webcam.
The words 'vomit' and 'inducing' come to mind right now.
Now that i've posted her nude photographs online it's time to post her personal information, well as much of that as i could gather.
Full name: Mary Ellen Chappo
Date of Birth: 30th January 1968
Height: 4ft 11 inches
Weight: 120lbs
Occupation: Taco Bell ''cook''.
Place of Birth: Gary, Indiana
Former location: LakeStation, Indiana, United States, 46405
Current location: Moved in December 2003 to live with sister Brenda and Brenda's husband in Grass Valley, Nevada City, Sacramento, California, 95945
Education: Attended both Edison High School, East gary, Indiana and Riverforest High School, Indiana
Medical history: Suffers from asthma
Siblings: Brenda (aged 47), Mike, David (deceased), George, John, William (Mary is youngest of siblings).
Parents: Both deceased, mother died on Mother's Day, father died around Christmas time
Sexual Partners: 3, including Barry from Indiana and i'd assume most of her brothers had a try, maybe that's what happened to the dead one.
Pets: 5 dogs (belong to sister Brenda) and one lost doogy called ...uh...i dont' know.
Email address: mrychpp@hotmail.com
Yahoo IM screename: daisyblumoon (always appears invisible)
MSN IM address: mrychpp@hotmail.com
MySpace profile:
http://www.myspace.com/lita46405
MSN member directory: Click here
Yahoo profile: Click here
Lab621 dating site profile:
Click here
American singles site profile:
Click here
(Note: Since publication Mary has deleted one of her dating site profiles and removed and then started a new Myspace profile, the links within this article have been updated to reflect her NEW Myspace profile link).
How does this all end? Simple. We arranged to meet up in California, in fact in about 3 hours time she is expecting me to pick her up in a limo from outside her workplace, she's got her bags packed ready to come stay with my fictional aunt and uncle in San Francisco and we're going to live happily ever after.
I have other ideas...
.......where's the fax number to Taco Bell head office? I'm sure her employers and colleagues can't wait to see these photos.
There's a moral to this story somewhere, be careful who you give your personal information and/or private photos to on the intrenet.
Just one last thing to take care of.
Yea, i'm pretty fuckin' sure.
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