Michael Schiavo’s Just Misunderstood.
Riv , 2005/03/30 00:37

Continuing our coverage of the Starving of the Schiavo, I have yet another article. I mean our previous articles, DON’T FEED TERRI, and INTERVIEW WITH TERRI SCHIAVO are doing tremendous amounts of traffic for the site, so I might have to keep writing more about this case and milking it for what it’s worth. After all, the stupid cunt is going to be dead soon, and once that happens she’s of no further use to me or my website.

Q: What is Jason Rivera’s favorite vegetable?
A: Terri Schiavo.

But enough about Terri Schiavo – she’s dead, with the only things truly deader than her being: Stu Hart, Russ Haas, and the Macarena. What about her husband? What about Michael Schiavo? This guy has been getting all sorts of negative publicity from the press, with everything from “he used to beat her,” to “he wants to pull the plug to get money,” to “the man clearly has no heart.”

Whatever the case is, the bottom line about Michael Schiavo is this: NO SHIT HE WANTS HER GONE. His wife is crippled and retarded, and worth millions and millions of dollars when dead. Once she dies, he’s rich. I don’t really call that “pulling the plug” on Terri Schiavo. I call that “trading up in the world.”

Why should Michael Schiavo suffer because his wife is a retard? She wasn’t like that when he married her! Should he have to suffer because Male Models made her feel bad and throw up all the time? Simply put, Michael Schiavo is a man. He probably wants to fuck other people, and without Terri Schiavo around, he has so many promising women he could screw like some of these prime (and poor) MySpace Sluts below:

Can you blame him? Heck, with millions of dollars on the line, almost any guy would pull the plug himself. I’m surprised Michael over here isn’t choking the bitch out personally yet in an attempt to speed up the process.

Think about what YOU could do with millions of dollars in Terri-Money. I know what I would do – a whole lot of things that if a retard like Terri were still alive, she could not appreciate anyway:

BLING BLING, MOTHAFUCKAS!

A New 2005 Hyundai Tiburon - $20,000

Heck, I’m not picky. I could buy millions of better cars with that kind of money but I can’t help being partial to the Tiburon. It’s a sweet, yet kind of low-profile ride. It doesn’t take much to make me happy. You can also help me buy one of these by donating to Pimp Riv's Ride.

Wrestlemania XXI Tickets: $2000

I just want to be front row during the most boring match ever – The Big Show Paul Wight vs. Sumo Wrestling Grand Champion Akebono. I can only hope Luther Reigns and his wheelchair rush in, causing interference.

Dave Coulier killed by Hitmen: $10

I don’t think it would cost much to hire a hitman to personally execute Dave Coulier. Still, if I had a million dollars, I could afford to actually waste the money. $10 is precious when you’re middle class.

Hire a Personal Entourage: $30,000 or so dollars.

I have friends, but I don’t have enough friends. Then I see these rich black rapper types, and they are typically surrounded by groups of up to 30 people that are just paid to stand there around them, orbiting them like the sun making them look kind of important. I’d love to have an entourage that did nothing for me except talk to people when I didn’t want to talk to them and follow me everywhere getting shot and killed by bullets meant for me. Entourages are in.

Amy Christine Dumas Spayed: $10,000

I only think it would be expensive due to whatever other work they’d have to do to her vagina, but I’d prefer it if Edge and Lita never reproduced, and it’s only human that someone spays Amy Dumas. Banner courtesy of Krista.

The Clay Head of Lionel Richie: $ ??

I don’t know how much it costs, but I would love to have one of these Lionel Ritchie clay heads, especially in my yard to scare off intruders and make women orgasm while “Hello” plays. That video was all about a blind high school kid who Lionel Richie seduced, which brings me to my next curiosity – maybe Michael should trade Terri into Lionel for the clay head. I bet he’d totally go for it. Lionel LOVES the handicapped. I mean look at the dreams which could come true if only Michael Schiavo is allowed to put that heap of flesh and horrible moaning noises to death. So what if her eyeballs can follow a fucking balloon?

If she can’t play Balloon Fight, she ain’t shit! Let the bitch croak, I say!!! Cash in!

REMEMBER WHAT MOM SAID - YOU CAN NEVER HAVE TOO MANY VEGETABLES!

--Don't Feed Terri!
--An Interview with Terri Schiavo!
--JasonRivera.com Forums "What Day Will Terri Schiavo Die?" Poll!

-- Riv - jasonrivera@jasonrivera.com